Dialogue Tug-of-War

"I want it...to be simple." That's a line from Bermuda, a play I'm currently in rehearsals for at The Strand. Unfortunately, it no longer seems to be simple. For the first time in my acting career, I'm having a nightmarish time learning my lines. Now, you may think I'm embellishing by using the word nightmarish, but I've been literally waking myself up in the middle of the night because I'm even dreaming that I don't know my lines. It is a terrifying feeling.

It used to be so easy. I was never worried about what the "off-book" date was, because I could sit down and look over my script, and get myself off-book in a matter of a few days, and then spend the rest of the time building my character. But for some reason, with Bermuda, it just isn't "clicking". It's been a constant struggle. How are you supposed to build your character, when you can't even learn your lines? Not knowing your lines affects other aspects of the process as well. When you're working a scene with your fellow actors, it really grinds to a halt any momentum that you might have been building when you have to constantly call "line". The pace slows, and often times can throw off the other actors, thereby frustrating yourself, the other actors, and most definitely, the director. The last thing a director wants to hear are excuses. And the more you struggle, the more it seems to manifest itself, and the more frustrated you become It's a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts, as well as a vicious cycle.

But what is the answer? How do you overcome the problem? I guess maybe you have to identify what's causing the problem first. You see, I'm the type of actor who records all of my dialogue on a digital recorder. That way I can listen to it throughout the day, whether I'm sitting at my desk at work, or when I'm on the road, driving, or even in a back room at the theater while other scenes are being worked on. Am I allowing myself to get distracted? Am I getting old, thereby making it more difficult to memorize? Perhaps the answer is in the dialogue itself. The dialogue in Bermuda tends to bounce around a lot, and many of the lines seem to repeat themselves, while being just ever so slightly different, not to mention more than a few odd segues. Of course, there's nothing I can do to "change" the dialogue itself. I guess the answer is just to focus that much harder. I just have to find a way to push the distractions to the side, or ignore them completely. Or, maybe, even more important than that, I need to break the vicious cycle by locating the confidence that I once had.

So come on out to The Strand sometime between Jan. 29th and Feb. 15th., and see for yourself if I was able to win the tug-of-war. I for one, hope that I was able to do it.

Addicted

An acting teacher once said the craft of acting can be like crack to some actors... they become addicted to emotions, very profound, deep rooted emotions. I have to admit I am one of those actors and in real life even create my own drama to spice things up a bit. I am currently not in a theatrical production or rehearsal, most people would think it is a nice little break. Considering I am a single mother with two children and have four different jobs, applying for my second master's degree and have multiple projects going on at any given time, it is difficult to imagine how I am able to be part of a production. The next play I will be working on opens in April, which means rehearsals will most likely begin the end of January or beginning of February. Am I enjoying the “break” - NO – I am craving the work.

I have often described being on stage as the only place where I feel I truly feel a sense of “home.” In the world I often feel like a freak – overflowing with emotions at all times. Being on stage gives one the freedom to be vulnerable, crazy, complete open and naked, even fearless. You can truly fly on stage and it is a very addictive experience. In the past few weeks, I have been writing obsessively, painting, actually doing crafts with my boys (and I am not a crafty kind of a girl), singing, dancing... anything and everything remotely artistic... but it's not enough.. I need a place to go with all these feelings.. a character to delve into.. a history to create.

I love the process of working with a script.. reading the play over and over, finding new meanings, discovering nuances... Breaking down the beats.. defining the objectives ( I am salivating just thinking about this)... I even like learning my lines.. it becomes a very physical activity. I am an auditory learner... so I tape record the entire script and learn all the lines... all the lines, not just my own.. and I listen to the tapes over and over, usually while running, dancing or doing yoga.

So, if you see me in a few months and I am in the depths of rehearsal, looking bleary eyed and absolutely exhausted... remember I am in my element and am happy and ever so high off the experience.

Bureaucracy

What a nightmare! It is ridiculously impossible to get anything done in this city. I went to get a one day use liquor liscense and was there for 3 hours waiting for my number to be called. When I asked why no F numbers were being called (as my number was F23), the "help desk" told me the woman who calls the F numbers was at lunch. "Ummmm," I said "Are you kidding? How long is her lunch? She could have gone to lunch and come back by now." Ahhhhh! Finally, after much bitching, they start calling the F numbers and my wait is over. Three hours to stamp a piece of paper and it costs me $52. I pay fees. Can the zoning professionals maybe try a bit of customer service? I am essentially a customer. On top of paying taxes, I have to pay a fee every time the Strand turns around. Then, when you are agitated, they begin to yell at you. The woman who "helped" me told me that if she has to wait, I have to wait. What? What does that even mean?



So, long story short, the Strand won't be going to zoning anymore...unless it is with a gallon of gasoline and a match.